Is it Really Better to Give?

The old adage, “it is better to give than to receive,” is just that. Old.  I’m not quite ready to say it’s out-moded but it definitely requires re-examination.  To say that one thing is better than another requires some sort of evidence that indicates the difference in quality of the two objects. Let’s examine, then, just what is meant by giving and receiving.

Giving usually comes in the context of gifts for holidays, Chanukah, Christmas, and birthdays.  As a youth, the virtues of giving were extolled to me without end, not to mention a little guilt-tripping. Be selfless, be kind, be compassionate, be, be, be!  (A little hyperbole to introduce my topic here.)  To be sure, giving a gift is a really ennobling practice. If you haven’t done it before I suggest you try it out.  The feeling alone of selflessness and elation that come from giving can be so powerful that it’s addictive, thus ironically ending up being pretty selfish although not deplorable.  Another motivation for giving can be as simple and imposing as implying indebtedness to the receiver and is definitely a shallow reason for extending oneself in that way.  It’s pretty clear that giving can be done falsely, begrudgingly, or selfishly.  The attitude of the giver, and the thoughtfulness of the gift are telling.

The intention of the giver is ultimately more important than the gift itself.  As such the gift becomes a symbol of the good will extended graciously from the giver.  The symbolic nature of giving can have a deep impact on the receiver to lift his heart and restore his esteem.  Giving done genuinely and graciously is why, I believe, it is thought that it is better to give than to receive.

Now, a graciously given gift can be a wonderful thing, but how one receives that gift reveals how we can assess the quality of the one in comparison to the other.  It is quite apparent that receipt of a gift comes with an attitude attached as well.  Just as in the case of giving, a selfish attitude turns receiving into taking and diminishes the quality of the exchange interaction as well as the quality of the character of the recipient.  Just as a gift can be extended as a symbol of good will, a gracious recipient reciprocates that good will with gratitude.  In this sense receiving can be every bit as powerful as giving, because the gratitude of the recipient is the gift to the giver.

I would argue that receiving a gift in good spirit might even be of higher quality than giving a gift due to the nature of the gratitude returned to the giver.  Receiving a gift openly and warmly requires that the receiver extend himself or herself back to the giver with indebtedness, having nothing to give in exchange but gratitude.  That one returns nothing but gratitude acknowledges the vulnerability of being indebted to the giver and requires more effort of heart to value the giver, to value the gift, and to value the good will extended than the effort of giving.  In this sense it may be that being a gracious and accepting recipient exceeds the quality of giving.

This argument is, of course, extremely conditional so we may never really know which is better, but may we all consider that the issue of importance is the attitude of both the giver and recipient.  The act of gift giving is a social interaction where goods are exchanged as symbols for friendship.  Whether or not we are on the giving end or the receiving end let us participate with genuine praise and appreciation for the dignity that is in each person.