The Power of Slow

I’ve been thinking of taking a stand on rephrasing the maxim, “Patience is a virtue,” to “Patience is THE virtue.”  Now, it’s not in my nature to be too dogmatic about anything, but please be patient and hear me out.  In my mind, patience is the virtue that gives rise to all of the others, and is so much more than the don’t-be-hasty adage of old.  While there is great wisdom in this adage, the true nature of patience is embodied in the more wide sweeping practice of judicious restraint of reaction under stress.  Restraint comes in many forms, and I tack on the modifier “judicious” because in some aspects we are required to know when enough is enough.  I use the term stress as opposed to suffering because all suffering is stress but not all stress is suffering, and the difference lies in the perspective of the individual.

Delay:

Reaction to a stimulus is often called a reflex.  The term itself indicates that the response can be liked to a muscle contraction; “flex.”  Our bodies, all of our physiology included, have systems that can be thought to behave in the broader sense like our muscular system.  Some of these systems involve thoughts, desires, cognition and volition.  Others occur autonomously with or without our will.  All of these systems modulate each other, and some in ways that are still yet unknown.  Insomuch as we are beings that have physical nerves and physical manifestations of emotions there is a good basis for using this model to help us understand the importance for this “meta”-physical concept.  It is less important at this stage to understand the mechanisms, although the understanding of which could be really informative, but that the interaction of these systems be clear is paramount.

Using the model of musculature and applying it to our psychological systems introduces this idea of developing self-control in much the same way that we exercise our bodies.  Exercising patience, judicious self-restraint, represents the larger set of practices that strengthen our character and help us maintain our mental hygiene.  Exercising patience is crucial in all aspects of our development, and is so ubiquitous that often we don’t recognize it.  Take for example the experience of urgency when needing to use the washroom.  Does one just wet themself? Or is learning to control one’s bladder essential for well-being?  Is it no wonder that all religions have some form of “spiritual” practice that requires the participant to exercise self-restraint?  Some easy ones that come to mind are: Fasting – patience in hunger, Yoga – patience in physical discomfort, Prayer or meditation – patience of mind and cognition.  Some of the numerous puritanical virtues that require patience as a basis are: faith – patience in doubt, chastity – patience in sexuality, courage – patience of fear, temperance – patience in desire, virtue – patience of mind, compassion – patience of egocentricity.

Now I realize that I’m rehashing the many philosophical arguments of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, The Stoics, and virtually every prominent philosopher of every era in regards to the ideas of prudence, virtue, patience, restraint, etc. etc.  In restating this argument I hope to bring awareness to this idea that often goes overlooked, especially in regards to making a conscious effort to cultivate patience in our everyday lives.  The difference in my argument is in stating that these “meta-physical” concepts are actually physically based and tied up in our physiology. The importance in making that distinction lies in the fact that the practice of patience is an endocrine exercise that is required, in its many forms, for optimal function and well being in any individual.

In bringing awareness to this concept, hopefully those who previously thought they were not patient people can take some pride in knowing that something as simple as not wetting oneself contradicts that notion and can change that attitude.  In fact, because of its ubiquity, patience can be found in nearly every process one engages in and therefore can be cultivated more fruitfully.  Every practice is different, but each has transitive effects that lend themselves to becoming more dignified and more mature individuals capable of coping honorably with the many stresses and sufferings that we engage in life.

Suffering:

It is now a logical extension of the idea of patience to examine the context in which we find it exercised.  It seems that, by in large, patience is required, in some degree, in any situation where stress is encountered.  As creatures of our environment we are responding to many stimuli both external and internal, constantly.  Where we are now as individuals and as a species is the result of a gazillion years of evolution.  It needs to be understood, then, that there is no such thing as the nature VS nurture argument.  The reality is that we are the products of both nature (genes) AND nurture (our environment).  That said, the sum total of our nature and our nurture show that we are built to respond to stimuli and cope with stress.  It’s as if our nature has evolved dependent upon the fact that in order to be successful beings we are required to become conditioned by the environment in which we are nurtured.  What this means is that we require stress and, in a sense, suffering in order to become our optimal selves.  Suffering is part of the human experience.

This can be interpreted in a few of ways, all of which are valid in their appropriate context but must be understood as conditional.  Stress and suffering are good because they offer the opportunity for growth in the form of mental exercise.  Our life is not fair; therefore unequal uncontrollable suffering is bound to happen and there is little that we can do about it.  Accepting that one must experience uncontrollable suffering and facing it without recoil represents one of the greatest spiritual practices in which one can engage, no matter how small.  Because some suffering is good, it may not be in the best interest of a suffering individual to receive intervention from a charitable source, and can have developmentally stunting consequences.  Good judgment must be used to know one’s boundaries and when enough is enough.  Although, part of what makes suffering so excruciating psychologically is uncertainty of purpose and duration, there is no shame in seeking to end suffering once one’s limits have been exceeded.  To quote Viktor Frankl, “Is this to say that suffering is indispensable to the discovery of meaning? In no way. I only insist that meaning is available in spite of—nay, even through—suffering, provided… that the suffering is unavoidable. If it is avoidable, the meaningful thing to do is to remove its cause, for unnecessary suffering is masochistic rather than heroic. If, on the other hand, one cannot change a situation that causes his suffering, he can still choose his attitude.”

There is so much to say and think about in regards to suffering and stress that entire volumes can be filled and the subject exhausted to no end.  In opening this discussion it is hoped that the content will stimulate the reader with good ideas, although they may only be such. That the subject matter may be of use to the reader is implicit, however, the author acknowledges the imperfections and flaws in reasoning and the impermanence of his own opinion.

Dignity:

In closing, it is the subject of attitude that I wish to tackle next.  Patience, in general, is unpleasant to say the least.  But given the number of factors that we can control in our practice of patience, attitude is the foremost in my mind.  Changing one’s attitude is easier said than done.  To start, it helps to understand that a good attitude is not always a positive one, but it is an honest one.  Being honest with oneself requires taking a mental inventory of the situation and removing illusive components from the picture. It often helps to attempt to view our situation outside of the lens of desire.  The next step may be to evaluate the role of the stress and appreciate it for what it is worth.  Understanding of the opportunity available through the process is helpful.  “Never let a good crisis go to waste.”

Another step in the process comes in the form of honoring oneself.  This, I believe, is the most important.  We are often unaware of the potential of our capacity to withstand trauma and suffering.  Acknowledging that we do not yet see the whole purpose because we do not know all of the facts, can cultivate hope that we will come out better than we went in.  Trusting your own strength and daring to fail is the courage and dignity to be had that is the capstone of the experience.  We are just explorers of the unknown, charting the unknown depths of our psyche.  The process is uncomfortable, but we will find our boundaries, and by challenging them we can discover their plasticity.  Dare to feel.  Dare to connect to the human experience.  You are not alone.  Know thyself.

When I started writing this piece, I had the idea that I would highlight practices of note that help me in cultivating patience.  Such practices in my mind are like cross-training the nervous and emotional systems and would therefore confer benefit for times of struggle.  At this point I am all typed out, and I will limit myself to explaining just one.

I have a friend who, when I drive, likes to point out that we are not in a hurry to get anywhere. “Drive with aloha,” he says.  It’s cliché, in a sense, when said by anyone who has never lived in Hawaii, like he has.  When I think about it, I question why it is that we are in such a hurry all of the time.  We are programmed by the culture of speed that things need to be done immediately, places arrived to on time, and deadlines met.  We are so competitive.  Is driving five miles per hour faster than the person next to me on the road, shaving minutes off my commute, really going to benefit me?  Is it the end of the world that I am two minutes late?  In reality, I still drive faster when I’m late.  But restraining the sense of urgency that I get when I travel, appointment or no, at least gives me a sense that I am being safer and helps me feel some pride in myself that I am capable of slowing down, being courteous to other drivers, being patient.  It also has the added benefit of returning my awareness to the present so I can just be at peace.  It is still mentally taxing somewhat to slow down, but it is getting easier to cope with the more that I do it.  That in my mind is the power of slow. (Yes! I substantiated that adjective. Get over it!)